Dale Bumpers: An impassioned mouthpiece of yours.

Damage Control: Protecting the Party at any cost; seems currently to be limited to the Democrat side of the aisle. See also Defense, Democrats, Deniability, Denial, and Moral Relativism.

Danskins: Your favorite (women's) underwear.

David Copperfield: The only one who could get you out of this one.

David Kendall: Another torchbearer for your defense (lies), and another purveyor of your propaganda. Also chief Ken Starr character assassin. Stay...

Daylight: It burns, doesn't it?

Debunk: To twist the truth into something more amenable to your defense.

Deception: The status quo in the White House.

Defense: A series of lies told by you and your mouthpieces that has neither direction nor internal logic.

Definition of Sex: Sort of like your words, it changes depending on the number and jobs of people who are in the room with you. One intern: Anything goes! A roomful of journalists: Who are we kidding? You'd never tell them. Hillary: You'd never tell her either, unless you were forced to by a smoking gun. Several Paula Jones lawyers: Only intercourse. A Grand Jury: "I have sinned against you!"

Democrats: Attack dogs you've trained almost as well as your lawyers, and you're not even paying them!

Deniability: You knew what was going on, and you did something about it, but you can use a parsing response to preserve your paper-thin patina of a conscience and claim no responsibility for it at the same time.

Denial: That thing that, every time you commit one, you convince the American public more and more of your guilt.

Devil With A Blue Dress On: Another new favorite song, or who you'd really like the American public to think Monica Lewinsky is.

Dirty Dozen: You and your defense lawyers.

Discovery of Evidence: That thing you've been trying to avoid for over a year now, and are still evading.

Discredit: What you are doing to yourself and to the country every day that you stay in office; also what you've tried to do to anyone who lines up against you. See also Larry Flynt.

Disgrace: Something you'd better get used to, and damned fast.

Dismissal: Another of your fondest pipe dreams. Not gonna happen. This one goes the distance.

DNC: Democratic National Committee, or Don't Nixon Clinton. The place where at least a piece of all your 'contributions' goes; your legal fund, a source of mouthpieces for your defense, and also the source of your media 'connections.'

Double Standard: It's different when *your* ass is on the block, isn't it?

Doublespeak: The model for your own language (from George Orwell's "1984").

Doubletalk: The first skill any White House employee who has contact with you learns.

Dung Heap Defense: Espoused by Democratic Senator Tom 'Say Anything' Harkin, this boils down to, "Even though I signed an impartiality oath, I don't have to be impartial." He's been learning at your feet again, hasn't he?

Education: Built-in bullshit detector.

Elastics: An experimental field of ethics that you didn't invent, but are definitely the poster child for. See also Moral Relativism.

Elephant: Pavlovian symbol; it causes Democrats to salivate whenever they see it.

Elevator: Particularly attractive woman.

Emasculated: The State of the Union.

Embarassment: You need to ask?

Empowerment: Another buzzword for enlistment of minorities and feminists.

End Run: What the Democrats have been trying to pull off unsuccessfully since the impeachment proceedings began.

Endless Love: A Big Mac.

Endorsement Contracts: Should be rolling in from condom and sex toy manufacturers, legal brothels, and Hustler magazine any day now. ("Hey, little girl, wanna see a distinguishing feature?") Please try to wait until you're out of office to sign them.

Enmity: The only thing your administration has truly promoted.

Erection: Occupational hazard.

Espy: A name you don't want to hear anymore, whether he got off or not.

Estranged: Your family.

Evasions: Your stock-in-trade.

Evidence: What's that? Even if it is, is it? Repeat after me: "That depends on what the meaning of the word 'is', is."

Exception to the Rule: You, of course.

Executive Branch: Your personal playground.

Exit, Stage Left: Your destiny, no matter what happens.

Extravagance: The unfunded promises you told to the American people in the State of the Union Address.

Eye of the Hurricane: Henry Hyde's office.

Fairness Cop: Certainly not a Democrat.

Falsehood: What's that?

Falsified Affidavits: Look in the lower left drawer of your desk.

Fanatic: Democratic Congressman. See also Lackey, Mouthpiece, and Talking Heads.

Fantasy: "I never had sexual relations with that woman..."

Fast Track: The well-worn trail in the Oval Office carpet made by high heels and kneepads.

Faster Pussycat: A woman who can get away from you.

Father of Our Country: You in about 20 years, at the rate you're going.

Fellatio: First skill you look for on a woman's resume.

Female: Target of opportunity.

Festivities: Events held to celebrate your unique new place in history: the First Philanderer. The first one occurred the same day you were impeached by the House.

Filibuster: Political tactic used to prevent or delay a vote on a bill or resolution. Passe'.

Fillybuster: The 'Little President.'

Final Reckoning: Something that you have to hope doesn't exist.

Finger: What you have been flipping to anyone who has any sense of what the meaning of the word 'is' really is.

Fiscal Responsibility: What's that?

Fleetwood Mac: "I can still hear you say / you would never break the chain..."

Flimflam: Your time in office.

Foreign Policy: An area of your administration where you have had not even one major success, but have claimed many.

Foreigner: Your new headline band?

Forest: That thing Democrats won't see for the trees.

Foul Ball: What you did when Monica was on her period.

Foul Bawl: Pointing your finger at Ken Starr in your 'attack apology.'

Founding Fathers: A bunch of dead guys you pay no heed anyway.

Frederick's of Hollywood: Your gift shopping superstore.

Fundraiser: Old buddy, old pal, old chum...

-The Watcher (Get a shovel big enough to dig yourself out with...it'll need to be about the size of New Jersey.)